.Monday, 29 October 2007 '
i give up. i'm tired always being the big sister. i'm tired just caring & giving when no one sees that i'm actually a human and needs to be cared for too. everytime i thought i've found a true friend, it always turns out not to be. isn't what you sow you shall reap? i've been sowing so much and being there the best i can. yet i don't get treated back the same way. am i really so fierce that no one dares tell me things? that a third party is needed to pass a message or i've to get the answer myself? and, often i have to act/sound like nothing happened. i hate that. all i needed was a companion for tonight, to be there with me. screaming my lungs out by my side. is that all too much to ask for? it makes me wonder. am i really treasured in certain people's hearts? or have i chosen the wrong friends? those words said before. were they true feelings from the bottom of the heart or just pure words? God, tell me.
