.Monday, 29 October 2007 '
i give up. i'm tired always being the big sister. i'm tired just caring & giving when no one sees that i'm actually a human and needs to be cared for too. everytime i thought i've found a true friend, it always turns out not to be. isn't what you sow you shall reap? i've been sowing so much and being there the best i can. yet i don't get treated back the same way. am i really so fierce that no one dares tell me things? that a third party is needed to pass a message or i've to get the answer myself? and, often i have to act/sound like nothing happened. i hate that. all i needed was a companion for tonight, to be there with me. screaming my lungs out by my side. is that all too much to ask for? it makes me wonder. am i really treasured in certain people's hearts? or have i chosen the wrong friends? those words said before. were they true feelings from the bottom of the heart or just pure words? God, tell me.
.Saturday, 27 October 2007 '
its official. we've multiplied. the results were kind of expected, like what we've analysed. glad that i'm still with ruby & ziling. well for joce, forever with her. haha. sad is mil, tiffi, leslie, momo and soon wee's over at the other side. i know can't have the best of everything. BUT, i'm looking on the bright side! i'm still with keeve! YAY! not that i dislike charlotte. its just that i'm really used to keeve's style already. anyway, our last time sitting as E378. thanks to jeremy, let me go off duty after service to join my cg. too bad mil's working.......... ):oh. we've taken photos. will upload real soon. i PROMISE! haha. (i'm blogging on a saturday. so rare! bleargh.)
.Friday, 26 October 2007 '
1 incident. thats all it takes to make me lose my trust in guys. boy, i'm so wrong when i thought all along i knew guys well.
words you've said to me, you've never applied them in actions. after what happened, its made me wonder. why on earth did you even step into my life for? if you know who you are and is reading this right now, i hate to say this to you but, you're never gaining back that amount of trust i had in you before.
i thought friends were supposed to be there for each other to go through thick and thin together. well instead, you're making me think likewise. i don't wanna fall into that pitch-dark bottomless pit again. please, do me a favour - stay away from me. i don't want my mindset of guys to deteoriate for the worse. to guys out there that i've been quite harsh or hostile towards recently, please excuse me. i need time to stand up again. and worry less. i'm only affected in the emotional realm. i'm totally fine in other areas. (:
.Thursday, 25 October 2007 '
my last day with moduslink - 5 nov.
my first day with cxrus - 12 nov.
thank God for an even better job opportunity! even before building fund starts, i'm already receiving His blessings! thanks to jolin too for introducing me to this job. :D
tomorrow's the day. supposed to be a joyous occasion. but i don't feel it. in fact, i'm kind of dreading it. who's going with keeve? who's going with charlotte? who's gonna remain as my cg members? oh sigh. i know. its something really good. but the bond we've had as a cg, no one can understand that.
God, really control the tears...
.Monday, 22 October 2007 '
this is definitely gonna be a looooong post. gerald was suggesting i should blog about things i've gone through during my 21 days fast. PHYSICAL-challengedduring the 21 days, i've suddenly workload upon workload coming and never ending. which has never happened before. seng wee knows. everytime he msn me, i'll go "eh. ttyl okay? busy now ar." even during lunch hour i'm working. really really tired. and the funny thing is no matter how tired i was, i don't fall asleep as fast as i usually do. EMOTIONALLY-challengedits during this period i came to know of some dislike feelings some friends have of me. i know i've neglected cg sometime back and got too engrossed with ministry. little did i know i've lost that place in some hearts, and even had people disliking me. given the cold shoulder or on-the-surface treatments. struggled with this for a week plus before i decided to talk about it and apologise for my neglecting cg attitude. thanks to 2 dearies that helped me talk to the rest too. made that decision to press into cg people's lives more & spend more time with them, especially with multiplication around the corner. boy. i seriously love God for being a relationship/friendship mender. not only are my friendships with cg members mended, the relationship is better than before, even more bonded. to mil/tiffi/ruby/zi: sometimes it sounds really dry & boring like some scripted feelings, but i genuinely wanna shout it out loud & clear, right here, right now that YOU 4 BABES NEVER FAIL TO BRIGHTEN UP MY LIFE! its great to be part of this wild/fun/crazy(whatever else we can be) click! i wanna do more with you 4. like really be there as much as possible be it in good or bad times in your lives! i know ruby's gonna go, "aww cass". heh.SPIRITUALLY-challengedi know many times the devil taunted me to rest a day during my fasting period, entering thoughts of not praying for a day or not reading the bible. trying to fit thoughts of telling lies, gossip, backstab, lusts in me. i've also never failed to slap myself whenever wrong thoughts come my way. i'm really glad i've learned to lean upon God for His strength & wisdom to carry out this 21 days fast and keeping the devil's evil thoughts at bay. little things like this that make me feel victorious when i didn't fall & succumb to them. this fast was for a few things(in no certain order whatsoever): - my spiritual life to be led higher and to have a deeper relationship with God. i'm definitely not as lazy previously when it comes to reading the Bible or to pray. i anticipate it much more to come into contact with God & increase my knowledge of His Word- ministry to go to another leveli know i'm moving steathily up the ladder of responsibilities. i know i am & will continue to. - cell group to be even more bonded and that will remain after multiplication. everyone's more open to each other and seen lesser in their own clicks too often already! - the EOY big AN zone camp- pledge an amount that will touch God's heart & have His strength & wisdom to fulfill it even before BF has started, God's already blessed me with a higher paying job. (thanks jolin!) i've achieved oh-gosh-ALOT. and emerged victoriously many battles with the devil. i think he knows jolly well i'm untouchable. according to FT2's lesson 9, Jesus will come back for a second time to judge the wicked. i can't wait for that time to see Him throw the devil into hell to suffer. please pardon me if i laugh wickedly. cos that's where the devil belongs to - the best of the best place most suitable for him. OKAY, DONE. now for a backtrack of friday - sunday. (: fridaysupposed to work half morn but overslept. went to jolin's company for the interview. i've decided to join them. went home to slack before meeting up with chris, momo & janet to get the refreshments. MACARONI WITH CAMPBELL SOUP! cg was great. played H2O. screamed here and there. adorable members. haha. fellowshiped till quite late at chris's before everyone bid goodbye. hitched a cab-ride from charlotte to clarke quay. chatted a little on the way there. tired, yet another satisfyingly spent friday. saturdaydid support & communion before service. it feels like eternity since Pst Tan last preached! its when you still can copy notes up to 3-4 pages even though its a repeated sermon that feels great. never fail to receive new revelations. towards the end of service, God's presence was ultimately strong. teared like nobody's business. quite comical cos i caught this lil girl sitting in front of me staring at me like i needed a lollipop to stop me from crying or something. haha. but, really wonderful. fellowshiped at airport. none other than popeye's again. headed home with sam after that. (: sundaymet wyelin to have our tanning session at sentosa. we SHOULD have tanned in cafe del mar la. what keppel marine family day. sooooo many bangladesh. take indirect pictures with us like we don't know. stared at us like we are tanning nude or what. bleargh. at vivo, impulsed buy-ed a top from topshop & a leggings. SIGH. rather have kept the money to buy that polka-dotted flats at pandora's box. !@#$%^&* met wk & tim after dinner at 8plus(2 slow pokes!). headed to thomson for some pasta. started to feel slightly queasy & skipped dinner. ate a lil of what wyelin couldn't finish. played games. tim (sorry la. you were really funny. can't help mentioning your name) is sucha clown/cheaterbug. make me & wyelin laugh till tummy hurt, aching jaw. BUT, its great fun to have both wk & tim as friends. don't be fooled by that serious & scary look you see in every security personnel. they are CRAZY people out of their uniform! i think this is one of my longest post ever. those that have read all the way to here, i thank you. email/sms me if you want reward. haha. i never knew multiplication would be THAT soon. God, i pray that multiplication this week would be joyous. but, please control my tears.
.Thursday, 18 October 2007 '
finally satisfied my craving for dou jiang you tiao at geylang's last night. since FOP. haha. had some night-seeing session at geylang & changi thereafter. interesting. and wyelin got super freaked out. LOL. so much at work to do the past week. i'm sooo tired. also been going out toooo much recently. next week, i'm rewarding myself - go STRAIGHT home after work. don't try booking me. i wanna catch back the rest i have lost. (: YAY! going sentosa on sunday again. had better not rain! i wanna tan. monday, PAY DAY! hurray! haha. i know. quite random. just wanted to post something up. whatever~
.Wednesday, 17 October 2007 '
watched mr woodcock last evening (paul, jasmine, jiasheng, rena, meijing, yunru & group 4's michelle). a not-so-hilarious show, but good though. met jeremy up with rena for supper at the famous dimsum stall at geylang while the rest headed home after the movie. THANK YOU for the treat jeremy! (:
PHOTOS UP! zouk on friday (12oct07) to celebrate tiffi entering her 8teens.
